This morning I woke up wishing to reach out and share with you how this month has been unfolding for me so far.
After the intensity we all experienced in March, I suddenly felt an opening which foreshowed the opportunity to heal an “historic wound.”
But healing anything that is still wide open demands much tender care.
And this is what came up for me: no matter how we tend to our pain, if we hold judgment towards ourselves, we get stuck in the wound. There is no place for us to move and break free when we are constantly diminishing ourselves and believe that what we are in that moment, is not enough.
When we obstinately look for ways to get from others what we feel we are missing within because of our wound, we hold ourselves prisoners in it. Along with everybody else.
Last week I have suddenly woken up to the fact that my own self judgement is the reason why the life time pain that had been hunting me as long as I can remember, never left me. It actually made sure to sneakily show up in most aspects of my life, leaving me often battered, bruised, and humiliated.
I have been harsh on myself.
Very, very harsh. The more I hurt, the harsher I became. The more the same old story kept repeating. I could never understand why, regardless of all my obstinate efforts, I was never able to turn the page and start writing a different one.
Suddenly I feel that the “area” around my wound is well and strong. It is no logger painfully tender. This allows me to move closer to the wound itself, until it starts closing up and become a scar.
The powerful reminder that I am always enough.
And so are you.
Whilst being in life, we may never be able to receive the apology we feel we are owed, or others may never be able to see us and the gifts we proudly wish to offer.
And yet, whenever we try and be acknowledged by others, we abandon ourselves a little, until nothing much of us is left within.
To be fully in life, we must come back to ourselves.
Over and over again, if it comes to it. But we must ensure that our beautiful inner home is never left unattended again. That’s the only place where we can truly stand strong regardless of what the world thinks of us.
As I write this, I strongly sense that I am being asked to give myself some heart.
Pause a little and take a breath. Feel my body moving around in a new way, because I have taken ownership of myself again. Offer myself enough space where I can freely dance all my sorrow away, while offering my gratitude and new found joy.
Mostly offer the world the very thing I always felt, it had been denied to me.
How would you give yourself some heart, beloved friend? And what would you offer others, knowing that it’s what you wished for yourself and could never have?
Come on in! You are in “mumblings & musings,” the space where I channel short and sweet stories about life & stuff. If you wish to stay a little longer and visit around, Evoking Grace is the perfect place to take a pause from the world. Here you will hear your soul sing again and start telling a bigger story.
Stay as long as you wish, and as you leave remember to take your welcoming gifts with you.