In our everyday life we continuously deal with the external world and the people in it.
No one day goes by when we don’t have some sort of interaction with someone else.
While some of us do strive to be “people’s people”, others would be happy to just dwell in a den, never to come out again.
Whatever our flavor is, we all effect each other all the time.
Remember the friend you recently met for dinner and had not seen in a while?
You set out in a great mood, anticipating a lovely catch up only to be bombarded with complaints on their disastrous life/relationships/finances.
No matter how hard you tried then, you never went back to your initial excitement and were just left disappointed and slightly overwhelmed.
Rings a bell?
What about the office?
Ever attended a meeting that started well but everybody left in a very bad mood?
There likely was someone who started “to throw their opinions & strong energy” to all the participants.
What was meant to be a constructive meeting moved everybody away from the personal balance into imbalance.
How can we best deal with those who make their life and everybody else’s hard & miserable?
Do we stay well clear of them or do we just let them drown us & themselves in their sorrow ways?
Truth is the energy of the problem the person is focusing upon, and the energy of the person, are two distinct things.
The problem and the person are not the same.
Therefore when we learn the skill of discernment we can assist others both in our private or work life without being at their mercy.
As we discern and become the observer of the situation, we can then choose how we wish to engage.
We may not necessarily agree with the energy of the problem, but we won’t automatically jump in to fix it.
Let’s be honest : we all get tangled up in our problems way too much!
We all have been, at some point or another, the moaning friend or imposing colleague.
But once we see how problems and people are not the same, we also start to realize we are actually OK no matter our problems.
When we begin to discern and recognize the difference between I am okay and I happen to have a problem with money, love, health, then we have the power to change and rearrange our life.
You are okay, and you are surrounded by a mess.You are not the mess. (Jim Self)
Wrapping it up:
- when feeling overwhelmed by any external event, DISENGAGE!
- take a break and remove yourself from the situation, perhaps by going for a walk
- if it’s inconvenient to leave, just take few minutes in the restroom by yourself
- close your eyes and deeply breathe in & out for a couple of minutes
- have the intention to “collect yourself” and sense your energy coming back to you
- let your mind drift away from your upset. When you change your thought, your mood, energy, and resulting experiences also change
- once “you are with it” again, discern what part of the problem you can do something about and what is not yours to deal with
- when in company of challenging and moaning people (especially friends & family) help them create some space from the problem itself by talking about something different
- by changing their focus, you allow them to clear their mind even if for only a short time
- remind yourself of how you or others are never the problem and we are all always Ok despite what life looks like
My coaching program Evoking Grace offers you inspiring and effective ways to deal with everyday challenges while keeping your cool.