Since my previous post “Create balance in your busy life”, I have committed to carve mini breaks out of my routine to allow my mind and soul regenerate from the business of everyday life.
It’s been soothing to my heart having the luxury of doing nothing during those quiet moments! I just really wanted to sit there and allow life to unfold. “Yes Universe, I know you need me, but you are going to have to wait cause I’m busy doing nothing now”. Geez it felt so good being able to tell the world to call back because I was enjoying the peace in my mind so much.
Then the other day something shifted and for the first time I got why some folks dread working in a quiet environment and they’d rather listen to their music than enjoying the silence.
As I sat on my yoga mat enjoying a good long stretch, I sensed a vast space all around me. So much of it, it could literally have swallowed me in.
I suddenly realized that the last couple of days I have been quieter than usual, my thinking has slowed down and somehow I have managed to get an incredible amount of work done in a very short time. I noticed that while I’d usually panic about meeting the various dead lines, somehow there is now a nice flow of energy sustaining me most of the time, which allows me to be productive and really enjoy whatever I’m creating.
This is all very new to me, and while I have allowed myself to “feel” life as I move through my day, the openness around me now starts feeling too wide and out of the blue I worry I may not know anymore what to do with myself.
The stillness within me and all around me now appears threatening, as if there may not be way back from the nothingness that I have slowly been able to touch.
My first reaction is to reach for my phone, check if I have got any emails or texts in the meanwhile.
“Hello? Someone out there still loves me? Anyone?”
But as I hold my phone I know a part of me wants to stay in that quiet space, wants to breathe it all in and surrender to whatever unfolds in the unknown.
So I let myself lay on the mat, looking for support under my body, and I suddenly start to cry because I don’t want to move and because I sense my heart expanding in a way I never knew possible.
And I’m loving the spaciousness so much I don’t want to let it go, ever! And I know now that the nothingness is where we all come from, we all belong to and are all full of without even realizing it.
‘Cause we’ve been told that what’s out there is better than what we’ll ever be.
And we believed that.
So when we finally get to touch with hand the infinity within ourselves, we freak out for we don’t feel we have enough to fill the void.
But enough we are and nothing else is needed in that space where we merge with all that is.
Later on that evening I can’t help noticing how refreshed I feel despite working in the small hours. But I feel so present and so supported by the hand I got to hold earlier on, I now know that I will never be alone in the stillness within me.
And you, have you ever touched the nothing at the heart of everything? And if you have, how did you feel? Were you scared? Did you embrace it, wanting more? Did you fill it up with noise for the void felt too big?
I’m the founder of Evoking Grace, a coaching program designed to inspire others to be their very best while bringing ease and balance into their everyday life. I can be contacted by email for more details on the work I offer or to schedule a free “Wisdom Within Session“. Follow my mumbling & musings on Facebook , Twitter & Pinterest to be part of my “online tribe”.