We all want to be happy.
Despite the desperation the world seems to be engulfed in right now, we are all just trying to be happy.
Every single choice will be making during the day will be an attempt to feel good and keep things in place around us.
Even the most extreme action will be just a way to release all the bad feelings we have inside so we can quickly go back to a state of wellness.
One wonders then why so many of us are so hopelessly unhappy right now!
There was a time when I thought Life owed me.
She had taken away some of the most basic things all children should have and so I felt it was my right to take it all back.
So I could fill the massive void I felt inside.
“Excuse me Mrs Life, You owe me big time cause you let me down and you were not supposed to do that! I have a huge crater in my heart so now you fill it up!”
Yet it became very clear, very rapidly, that this way I was never going to go anywhere.
And I intended to go far.
Very far.
I was still young when I realized that blaming the entire world for my misfortunes was just going to kill my soul.
Quite frankly I thought my soul deserved, same as all the other souls, better than that!
Imagine a life spent resenting others, lost in my own bitterness.
Nah, thank you but no thank you.
If the world was trying to turn me into a victim, I was not having it!
Many years on here I am, still adamant that my My Happiness is my Responsibility & my Responsibility Only.
We humans are naturally drowned towards homeostasis.
Every single bit of our being works to take us back to a state of equilibrium especially if we feel in danger.
Whenever the world around looks like an hostile place, these inner allies will do anything to ensure we quickly feel better.
Every choice we make is then a very instinctive need to go back to our innate “happy me”.
While we are focused in keeping the outside world at bay, we very often forget our inner world.
And in so doing, we create the good and the bad guys.
We create stories where there is always the victim and a very cruel executioner.
Only that the bad guys are quite often as in pain as we are.
When we mistakenly believe that what’s around us dictates our inner life, we feel entitled to blame others for our unhappiness.
Life coming in will always touch old wounds.
They have been there for many years; some even believe we come into this world with wounds from past lives.
In accepting this, we accept that we are scarred.
All of us.
We are the sum of all the scars left from wounds that we bravely healed.
The wound that is still open is the pain that we are yet to face.
And no matter how much it hurts to admit this, we made that choice.
We chose not to sit with our shadow and turn into light.
It wasn’t the world’s fault.
It wasn’t our fault either.
In fact, there is no fault.
Ever.
Just like neglected children, we try to fill the void we carry inside just grabbing whatever we can.
A void that also feels hugely heavy.
It’s only when we see that everybody carries our same scars that we become free.
Free from the weight of blame, resentment and victimhood.
Slowly that void gets filled with joy, hope, gratitude.
And that’s how we start flying high.
Antonia Lyons
T
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