Earlier this week I have written about life feeling particularly messy at the moment. Yet, I strongly felt the invite to hang out in this unsettling space a little longer and let it get messier.

Chaos often hides the deepest truths. It is only when we are willing to stand in in it as  everything around spirals around us that we come to see life in a very different way.

For quite a while I had been craving solitude and no amount of time spent on my own felt enough. The more I craved alone time, the more I felt like escaping from myself. One day I got very curious and just went to sit under a tree, in one of the many lovely parks here in London. They are never quiet, really. There is always some tourist taking pictures of squirrels, kids running around, while cars and buses loudly drive along outside. I don’t mind though, and I welcome the breathing pause these lovely green spaces generously offer me.

“What would you hear in silence?”

Good question, I thought while sitting in my usual spot. Something demanded that I’d open my ears and listen while I simply did not want to. My resistance felt particularly tiresome this time. I thanked my green friend for the hospitality and off I went back to my day, still confused and unsure to why my life had become such a mess.

It was only later on that evening, as the sun went down and I got ready for bed, that I suddenly saw why I had been craving solitude despite having plenty of alone time. Mostly, I saw why I have spent all of my life trying to escape from myself.

I have always been an early riser. Since a very young age, I have always felt the gentle invite to start my day before everybody else. I normally wake up between 3 and 4am and quietly go and stand outside on the balcony to greet the spirit of the new day. I have done this for over 40 years now; it is my way to let life know that I am here and I am grateful, regardless of her madness. Even as a young kid, I truly cherished my morning solitude. It was the time when I heard my soul the most and what wished to come to life through me.

Yet, the adults around me were rather worried about my strange ways. They put down my need for little sleep to anxiety and an overactive mind. So I grew up thinking that there was something very wrong with me and it wasn’t safe to hang out with myself after all. Surely all this thinking about spirit could not be good. Surely mum and dad could not be wrong.

All these years, I have kept that little girl deep inside.

Still reluctant to enjoy my own quiet presence and still trying to escape from my mind, fearing the horrible things I may hear in solitude.

But when little people want to grow bigger, nothing stops them. As I write this, I am truly happy I have finally rediscovered the magical silence I always felt around the many thoughts feeling my head. Truth is, I never worried about them, really. I was too busy enjoying the exquisite space that would open up in between the endless words, ideas, and God knows what else.

Solitude is a private affair with ourselves. It is that sacred moment when our soul sings to us, and we hear life again. We must trust that we alone know how to make space for this communion to happen. Whether it is having a bath, enjoying a cup of tea while watching the world go by, or simply going for a walk, alone time must happen as it feels right to us. When we trust our unique way to create quiet pockets through the day, every moment becomes an oasis of  tranquil presence. A beautiful way to bring our mind, heart, and body together just as they are, offering our gratitude for keeping us alive.

In Grace,

Antonia Lyons

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I am an author & an intuitive storyteller. I work with people who, like you, are ready to live more authentically & insightfully. Evoking Grace  is the “sacred space” where you become a Bigger You & tell a Bigger Story. Here you will hear your soul sing.
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