I have been busy cleaning these last few weeks. I welcomed the arrival of spring as an opportunity to clear and clean both my physical and spiritual homes. The dark and wet winter days left me with the urgent need to let fresh air and bright light into my space. Looking around and within, I saw that it was all crammed up with many things. Lovely & cherished things, but which I have loved well and I am ready to pass on or dispose of. This is the hard bit about any big clear out: letting go of what really is not us anymore but has served us for a long time. Whether it’s old clothes, loud thoughts, or limiting beliefs we often question our choice to make space. What are we going to fill it with? Can we, instead, keep it blank, if only for a while?

I have a few treasured objects which I tend to move around our flat, season after season. Some of them are on display all year around, others only come out at specific times like the Equinox or Solstice. I have collected them through the years, and they are a reminder of the ineffable cyclicity of our life. Altars making is something I both enjoy and look forward to, and yet this time around I have been called to keep our spring altars as simple as bare as possible.

“Space. Make space and breathe.”

I kept of telling myself while I started to clear the winter displays. As my home is a reflection of my inner dwellings, I know the time has come to let go of the one thing I have carried with me most of my adult life. I have tried to move it around same as with my many crystals and sacred figurines. Put it somewhere out of sight for a bit, in the hope that it’d suddenly look different or feel lighter. But habits don’t like being hidden away, and often they reclaim their space in our life rather forcefully.

My desire to live big means that I have to finally accept my soul’s invite to renounce what has been my identity for a very, very long time. And while I have politely declined it as long as I could, this time around I cannot but accept it because my world has gone small lately and I have grown too much to fit into it comfortably. It’s been rather tight in there for some time now and it has not always been easy to enjoy the beautiful new life anxiously waiting to emerge.

Our soul’s invite to live a larger life is always distinctive and clear. It is us who turn a deaf hear in the hope to keep what is familiar, even at cost of losing our freedom. Because in the end we become prisoners of ourselves, and escaping is extremely arduous. We embellish the constrictiveness of our days with half lies and half truths,  and a stubborn resistance to let go of what we have known for far too long. And yet, it is very hard to ignore our soul’s calling and it is our dismissal of it that causes both heartache and heaviness. No matter how much moving around we try and do, when we cannot let go of what constricts us, we end up being in chains in our own home, unable to ever go very far.

How far do you wish to go, beloved friend? How heavy are your chains? Are they big? What will it take to undo them and walk away from what is now way too small to contain your bigness?

May you believe in your power to begin anew. May you choose to become free of yourself. And when the opening around you feels too large, may you remember that it will soon be filled by your immeasurable light.

 Antonia Lyons

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