I was once in one of those retreats that are meant to be life changing but which can also leave you with a funny taste in your mouth when you realize you have just been put, yet again, in front of your limits.
This particular retreat promised its attendees to be let into the essence of happiness and how we can always take that with us.
While the teacher talks, I can imagine myself back in the outside world, joyfully smiling at life because I now have the secret of happiness.
And I can really feel my heart expanding, and for a moment I think I have finally come to enlightenment.
We are all standing in a circle while the teacher asks each one of us the same question “Do you want to be happy?”.
YES! YES! YEEEEEEEES!…is the unanimous answer.
Some people sound more decisive, others still a bit unsure but it’s probably only because they know this is it for them. They have to let go of their unhappiness and it’s a bit like dying really!
Then the teacher asks again the same question but this time he adds in something which truly makes me want to throw up and run away “Are you ready to choose happiness no matter what?”
Yes, cough, yes…erhm yes? Not many yes answers this time.
“Are you ready to choose happiness even when everything else around falls?” the teacher carries on.
At this point I know what he’s getting at and I’m not having it.
I have just had my enlightening moment and no way is he going to spoil this.
“Do you choose happiness even when facing death, yours or others’? When you lose your job, your spouse leaves or your best friend betrays your trust?”
The teacher is now looking each one of us now, holding his gaze as to defy us.
Not a single yes this time.
I leave the retreat feeling a bit cheated. Surely saying yes to happiness should be enough, so what has that got to do with death, divorce and all the rest of it? I mean, how am I meant to be happy if the world around me is crumbling and nothing makes sense?
Many years have passed and in time I have come to realize what the teacher meant back then.
Happiness is a “ choosing process”.
End of story.
It’s not something to strive for, which will happen when or if.
Happiness is a process which we can do or not do, get better at and eventually master if we want to (Michael Neill).
It happens now, moment after moment.
It’s a choice we make in the stillness of our hearts no matter what.
When we allow ourselves to be happy no matter how we think we should behave in any given moment, then it becomes easy to make this our natural state.
So start right now and think of the one area of your life where you feel challenged.
Ask yourself “Do I want to be happy or do I want to be unhappy?”.
It is as simple as this really, and there will be days when you find that the bravest thing you’ll do is to keep yourself in a good mood.
And if your answer is yes, then ask again “what is the one single thing I can do right now to be a bit happier?”
And then just go with it.
You will eventually find yourself returning to your innate well-being more often than before and this will have ripples in your life, for when you spare a smile whatever life is throwing at you, life will always smile back and little miracles will be coming your way.
The miracles of life.
So are you ready to be part of “the happy gang”?
I’m the founder of Evoking Grace, a coaching program designed to inspire others to be their very best while bringing ease and balance into their everyday life. I can be contacted by email for more details on the work I offer or to schedule a free “Wisdom Within Session“. Follow my mumblings & musings on Facebook , Twitter & Pinterest to be part of my “online tribe”.
This is very thought provoking post. I think I have been graced with two things, the first is I am lucky enough to have a pretty good sense of humour, by some standards it might be a weird sense of humour but it helps me to look at problems and eventually find the funny side of them. The second thing I have been graced with is a problem solving technique that works for me.
If I come across a problem or worry, I try to deal with it, if I can’t deal with it immediately, for example a large gas bill that can’t be paid until the next pay day… I place the problem in an imaginary box and forget about it, I stop worrying about it because it is locked away. When money hits my bank I pay the bill. The trick is to not completely forget the problem..
My way of dealing with problems or sadness might not work for everyone, fortunately they work for me.
Today it is raining, the cats have once again marked their territory on my little mini and a huge electric bill has just arrived. The bill goes in the box until the 23rd, the car and the cats will get a good washing with the hose pipe
Hi Pete,
That’s exactly it:finding our own little way to navigate every day. You may have said to me that after receiving such a big bill and dealing with your vivacious cats there is no way you can be happy, but you didn’t! You have your own way to deal with what life throws at you, and this way you do create a choice so often people are not willing to make. And this happens often because we don’t allow ourselves to experience happiness unless the bill is paid, the car is clean and the cats are well behaved.
Funnily enough this came up for me a while ago in Italy, when my own cousin suddenly died. We were in a very remote village in the south and when we came out of what was a very ancient church, I was so taken by the beauty of the surrounding hills and villages that I got away from the others attending the funeral, and I literally stood on my on to take all this amazing scenario in. In that moment I was very happy, and I went with it because that was my way to see my cousin out. I know some people thought I was weird and disrespectful, but I really wanted to take that moment with me, because in so much beauty I could feel the infinite.
Good luck with bills and cats and keep on using your endearing sense of humor to make the most of this insane adventure called life.
Grace to you, Antonia x
It is very hard to hear that happiness is a choice when you go through some really hard things in life. But I think the confusion with many when they hear that statement is that they feel they are being told they are not allowed to feel sad, which is not what choosing happiness is about. We are human and we experience all types of emotions; and should do so. What choosing happiness is saying is to not let the hard and trying moments be the be all, say all for our lives and let them be simply that…moments that will soon be over.
Hi Nena, yes you’ve got it! life is a moment to moment affair, it’s constantly changing, same as our thoughts. So at any given time we are just one thought away form a thought that feels lighter and which ultimately will allow us to go through life in a more graceful way. We will always experience all sort of thoughts and feelings, that’s just being part of our life as we know it. However it’s only when we hold on to these feelings and thoughts that we come away from our default mode which is and always was, grace and joy.
As a coach, one thing I notice is that rarely people give themselves permission to be happy just because…there must be a reason. But that reason will always being out there, while right within our heart is a great source of ease and wisdom available to us no matter the external circumstance. I’m a great believer that we ought to embrace our own shadow to function well, but there nothing bad in then showing it some light!
Grace to you xxx
I am a prime example of someone who forgets that happiness is a choice., not a destination (Ohhhh… I feel a Suzy Printable coming on!). Seriously, though, you are absolutely right. Thanks for re-sharing this for #ThrowbackThursday on Big up Your Blog, Antonia. It’s a most welcome, timely reminder. Sue x
Blessings Sue! I think we all want to be happy and we all do what we can! When you see yourself not being in alignment with that it’s a great place to be cause it gives you the chance to choose. Moment by moment. One time it’ll be harder the the next, but as you say it’s not a destination! It’s a “moment to moment” affair as I like to call it! Bliss & Grace from My heart to Yours x
I had a similar experience at a leadership retreat. We wrote down everything that felt important to us on notecards. Then we had to think about each thing, and imagine giving it up. Could we still be happy? Would life still go on? Many participants let tears fall into their laps, including me. But in the end, though it would be horrible in every way, letting those things go symbolically helped me to understand I still have life to live–even without the people or things that I love. As you say, happiness and contributing the best of what we’ve got for the few short years we’re on this earth, is a choice. One we can make every day. Thanks for the post- I really appreciate the reminder. 🙂
Blessings Angela! Yes Happiness is a choice..and what a choice! As humans naively taught to live from the “outside in” they mistakenly believe happiness is something out there! Something to strive for! We’ve all learnt this and so being reminded that happiness is just our default system really does sound like a profanity! But it is and it’s amazing when life rubs that in our face, reminding us to always come back to ourselves! Much Grace to You x