What a humbling year 2022 has been. 

It started with the need to release what I call “my story” and it ends with the hope to accept myself and others, more and more. 

What happened in between often brought me to my knees but also inspired me to be more in life. Regardless of her unpredictable twists and turns. 

It has not been an easy. I have sometimes felt distracted by the world at large and also what needed tending to in my own little world. 

The pull was so strong, I constantly had to “remind myself back to my heart.” 

As December comes to a close, I am left with the awareness that whilst looking up at the stars, I am still very much of this world. My humanness often prevails and I must admit that at times, I even felt disturbed  by what wished to emerge and be acknowledged.

I have sat with demons more often than I ever did in my entire life. Although I have never been one to shy away from a tete a tete with my inner shadows, this year they felt imposing and unforgiving.

Wherever I turned, there they were. If I tried to ignore them, I’d be feeling their breath onto my face as they stood closer than ever before.

“Hear, hear child. Here we come. We bring what you left behind and cannot be thrown out. Hear, hear the stories wishing to end but which you won’t stop telling.”

It really got dark at times, and yet a little miracle started to happen: my eyes could see even when there was no light. I no longer needed to hide away or find a way out, because I had learnt to see through the darkness.

I learned not to move away, and eventually little glimpses of light started to break in through the night.

My demons had brought me diamonds and the space around suddenly looked bigger than before.

As I write this, I am well aware that our beauty is many things. Our light and shadow come together and we must create enough room for them to freely move within and around us. Sometimes we may just want to sit and watch, other times we will be dancing along, knowing that there is a place for it all.

There is much anticipation for 2023. The new year will bring us the opportunity to show our inner jewels in a new way. No longer tarnished by our limiting believes, we will wear them with pride and let them shine for everybody to enjoy.

May you have the courage to sit with the uncomfortable truths and believe you deserve to be alive regardless.. And when your shadows look the gloomiest, may you offer yourself the very kindness and gentleness you wish for the world.

And so be it,

 

Antonia Lyons

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