Problems don't have to effect you

In our everyday life we continuously deal with the external world and the people in it.

No one day goes by when we don’t have some sort of interaction with someone else.

While some of us do strive to be “people’s people”, others would be happy to just dwell in a den, never to come out again.

Whatever our flavor is, we all effect each other all the time.

Remember the friend you recently met for dinner and had not seen in a while?

What happened?

You set out in a great mood, anticipating a lovely catch up only to be bombarded with complaints on their disastrous life/relationships/finances.

No matter how hard you tried then, you never went back to your initial excitement and were just left disappointed and slightly overwhelmed.

Rings a bell?

What about the office?

Ever attended a meeting that started well but everybody left in a very bad mood?

There likely was someone who started “to throw their opinions & strong energy” to all the participants.

What was meant to be a constructive meeting moved everybody away from the personal balance into imbalance.

How can we best deal with those who make their life and everybody else’s hard & miserable?

Do we stay well clear of them or do we just let them drown us & themselves in their sorrow ways?

Truth is the energy of the problem the person is focusing upon, and the energy of the person, are two distinct things.

The problem and the person are not the same.

Therefore when we learn the skill of discernment we can assist others both in our private or work life without being at their mercy.

As we discern and become the observer of the situation, we can then choose how we wish to engage.

We may not necessarily agree with the energy of the problem, but we won’t automatically jump in to fix it.

Let’s be honest : we all get tangled up in our problems way too much!

We all have been, at some point or another, the moaning friend or imposing colleague.

But once we see how problems and people are not the same, we also start to realise we are actually OK no matter our problems.

When we begin to discern and recognise the difference between I am okay and I happen to have a problem with money, love, health, then we have the power to change and rearrange our life.

When we identify with and match the drama in our life, we end up in the same energy field as our problems though.
Of course we can never then solve an issue while we are right in it, as we are totally overwhelmed by it.
Not matter what life throws at us we never ever lose our connection to its wisdom and spark.
It only seems that way because we constantly think ourselves out of this incredible bond.
From this space, problems become circumstances and we have enough room to consider new and more elegant solutions.
You are okay, and you are surrounded by a mess.
You are not the mess. (Jim Self)
When we find ourselves in drama, we really must congratulate ourselves!
That means we are becoming more aware of our reactivity and noise and starting to leverage and observe how that effects our energy level.
It’s not easy to get away from an overwhelming situation while stuck in it, but being more conscious of our habits, emotions and thoughts help us not to be victims of its drama.

Wrapping it up:

  • when feeling overwhelmed by any external event, DISENGAGE!
  • take a break and remove yourself from the situation, perhaps by going for a walk
  • if it’s inconvenient to leave, just take few minutes in the restroom by yourself
  • close your eyes and deeply breathe in & out for a couple of minutes
  • have the intention to “collect yourself” and sense your energy coming back to you
  • let your mind drift away from your upset. When you change your thought, your mood, energy, and resulting experiences also change
  • once “you are with it” again, discern what part of the problem you can do something about and what is not yours to deal with
  • when in company of challenging and moaning people (especially friends & family) help them create some space from the problem itself by talking about something different
  • by changing their focus, you allow them to clear their mind even if for only a short time
  • remind yourself of how you or others are never the problem and we are all always Ok despite what life looks like
Antonia Lyons @ EvokinggraceWould you like to learn how to live your life without your “life living you”?

My coaching program Evoking Grace offers you inspiring and effective ways to deal with everyday challenges while keeping your cool.

You can contact me by email for more details on the work I offer or to schedule a “Wisdom Within Session“.

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