There is one thing I have come to realize: fear truly sucks.

It drains you, makes you feel small and most of all attracts even more yuckiness.

I’d like to tell you that I was born fearless.

The only human being that ever came in this life free of the burden of being shit scared.

Truth is, I have been a scared little thing all of my life.

I manged to hide it well though, only showing the world my intrepid side.

“Here she comes, the brave girl from South of Italy, who defied culture to go after her dreams!”

But there are fears which cannot be hidden.

They will come out at night, when no one else is watching and they’ll turn into secrets.

You learn to live with them, and days turn into nights while you just feel exhausted the whole time.

You are living a lie…and only a half life.

Being in the self-growth business is certainly not a free pass for fearlessness!

Others expect you to be some sort of lionhearted warrior, while you only really learn to keep your demons at bay.

And that becomes your unique selling point:

“Hi, I fight demons at night and I will show you how to do the same!”

This way life ends up being a battle field and you just leak your wounds hoping to soon feel better.

‘Till you wake up one day and you say: “Enough of this shit!”

‘Cause if you don’t, you’ll die.

That’s when you know in every fiber of your being that your heart won’t handle any more fighting, any more lies.

Life suddenly claims her wounded child and you’ll have to show up just as you are.

No medals, just you and your many secrets.

You feel bare and helpless, nevertheless Mother Life welcomes you in her open arms and you can finally rest.

Perhaps this pandemic is helping us to stop the fighting once for all.

Suddenly you are not only faced by your own demons, but the world’s too.

And those are big, scary monsters.

There is so much fear right now coming from the news and mass consciousness, it’s hard to feel hopeful and brave.

And yet, this is the time for absolute trust in yourself.

While the whole world is being crippled by its own fears, you will be able to stand on your feet.

You’ll have drama flying all around you. You’ll have issues coming up from within yourself which will drive you nuts.

You may not know where you are heading to; in fact at times you’ll feel as if you are hanging off a cliff.

But as you learn to be with this, you will learn to be with you.

Suddenly it does not matter what everybody else fears or hopes.

As you learn to be with yourself in a way which is both new and reassuring, you won’t need the world to make you feel safe and loved.

While you quietly watch life unfolding you will find grace & humor even amidst the battle fields around you.

You will learn to be in trust.

Trust in yourself will not only glide you through the coming months (which are bound to be rather chaotic and messy!), but through your life.

It will keep you standing tall and proud when those around you are losing their mind.

And you will offer them compassion for you too once were fighting demons late at night.

Antonia Lyons

 

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